"Welcome to my website you irritating bunch of insignificant imbeciles. 'Tis I, Esmerelda.

Sitting at home in the dark are we? No friends? No social life? Nothing better to do with your days, than to search the interweb for more interesting things to fill your hum drum life? What mundane little cretins you are. 

Well, as you've found me, have a look around... BUT DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!"